12 Simple Steps to Becoming A US Citizen:


1 You are over 18 years old. (leaves about 1/2 out)
2 You have been a permanent resident of the U.S., with a Resident Card, for 5 years continuously without leaving for long periods of time. (the rest out now)
3 You can read, write, and speak basic English. (Age or disability may allow exemption of this requirement.) (1-2%)
4 You must pass a civics exam. (most amercans can't do that...)
5 You must be able to swear to be of good moral character. (define good..)
6 If male, you must have complied with the Selective Service requirements. (yeah, right)
7 If male, you have never deserted the armed forces. (uh-huh)
8 If male, you have never been discharged from armed services for being an alien. (from what planet?)
9 If male, be willing to serve in the armed forces, if eligible and required. (no draft dodgers... W?)
10 You must certify that you will uphold the Constitution of the U.S. (thou shalt not... steal, swear, lords name in vain, covet thy neighbor and his wife,... that stuff??)
11 You must take an oath of allegiance to the U.S. (I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. To the republic for which it stands, one nation UNDER GOD, with liberty and justice for ME!)
12 If married, you have been married to a U.S. citizen for at least 3 years, and the spouse has been a citizen for more than 3 years. (do prison brides count?)

This is not the way to convince me that you uphold the "American Way":



Nor that you value the United States Of America.



¡No, I no va a hacer eso! ¡Elasticidad justa mis sus servicios sociales y dinero del bienestar, usted gringo pinchy!

pay close attention to my comments in (parentheses).